Good bye Father!

2nd of June. I thought it would be a normal day on my life. Never knew thats the day i would loss a person called father. I had a preety bad relation with my father. Never did i saw even once a good side of him. Not an evil person, but i never had an absolute bonding like how rest of father and son out there. He is a person on his own term. Hardly loved or cared for the family, Im not saying this to express how degradefull he is, but i understand to a certain extend that this is how he was brought up. Full of luxury without the sense of love & care. So thats how ive been brought up. Whenever i saw anyone with full love and and care for their father, i feel sad as why i been denied such love. Such time i made a promise that i will never make such a scenario to happen for my childrens. Enough is enough as how i had it in my life, i want my sons to feel the love and caring how a father would provide.

He is 65 years old, with a medical history of diabetic and hypertension but withoutany history of heart based complication. His death is due to heartattack. I was beside him as he breathed for the last time. I was on tears during the funeral. For me the tears is not for the love or his affection but rather a sign of thanks for giving me an initial, giving me a symbol, bringing me to this world and of course tears of thinking my mothers situation.. husbandless.

Dad
at many times, i thought bad and act bad towards you.
at many times, i raised my voice towards you.
at many times, i acted selfishly ignoring your emotion.
at many times, i disobey you
at many times, i disrespect you
at many times, i hurt your feelings

for all those i can only pray for appologies. I just wish we will meet again some day, some place
and we could make things up..  please forgive me.. and rest in peace.

Your son, Gauthemen.